10 Things Not to Say in the Personal Statement
Most personal statements by international students are not very good. If you can make yours good it will really impress the Professor in England. Jim Andrews takes a look the 10 most common mistakes made by applicants from China and they are things that you should avoid:
Do not write your statement in Chinese and then translate in to English. Although you may find it more difficult you should write the statement in English. The reason is that, because the language systems are so different, literal translations do not read well. Often it is very difficult for English-speakers to understand the translated sentences. It is better to use simple sentences in English than complex, translated ones that cannot be understood. Too many students think it is good to show off their English vocabulary by using complex English words but it DOES NOT work.
Do not talk about the qualities of China or your province or your city. Many students make the mistake of talking about how they come from a city that is famous for its business skill or education institutions. This is a very big mistake for Westerners because they believe it means that you have very little skill yourself. The only exception for this is if it is directly relevant to your future career. For example if you want to study HRM, because you know that this is an underdeveloped field in China and one which International companies are seeking well-qualified people, then you can mention this.
Do not talk about your family. For the same reasons as the first point you should not talk about your family. If you do, it shows that you have no talent yourself. For example people will often talk about how their father is a very successful businessman or that their mother is a lecturer at a university, and that this inspires them. This is a reason to give your father or mother a place at the university – not you! Just because you have a talented family member does not mean that you are talented.
“I was born in …...... city, China.” This is totally irrelevant. When you write the statement you should think that the UK university will have another application from China that is just as good as yours (same GPA, same IELTS score and same kind of university in China) and that they only have one place to offer. Your statement is the chance to tell the professor why he should give the place to you, not the other person. So when you read every sentence of your statement you should ask yourself this question: ‘Does this sentence give a reason why I should get the offer’. If the answer is no then delete the sentence. So “I was born in the winter of 1979 in the famous city of Nanjing”, is irrelevant.
Do not say nice things about the UK. Again many students will use a few sentences to talk about the UK, how famous it's education system is or how developed it is. Unless you are responsible for the UK’s great education systems then you should not mention it in your statement.
“Upon graduating I will return to China to contribute to my motherland” Do not say this. It suggests that you are not an individual and in the West being an individual (someone who thinks for himself) is considered a very important quality in a student.
Do not close with “I will be honoured to be admitted in to your prestigious university”. There is no need to compliment the university, they do not need to hear how good their university is, it says nothing about YOU.
Do not talk about your primary school or junior school experiences. For undergraduate study you should of course refer to your recent senior high school performance and, in certain cases, postgraduate applicants can also mention their Senior High performance, but do not talk about your performance before the age of 16. Experiences as a child are not valid as reasons you can be a good student now. Postgraduate applicants may want to mention their Senior High performance if they are trying to show a skill they cannot demonstrate in their Bachelor degree. For example, if you want to study a Finance course but your university transcript includes no mathematical courses (perhaps your major is English) you may want to mention that in the Senior High School examinations you performed very well in the Mathematics exam.
Do not pose questions. Many students like to use questions in their statement, for example, “Why does China lag behind Western countries in their systematic use of logistics? This is the question I often ponder” This does not read well in English, it seems you are trying to teach the reader (who will be your teacher).And Finally
Do not be too general. When talking about what you have learned from previous study or work, you must be specific. If you are general it appears you did not really do this work or that you never really thought about what it did for you. For example:
Before: During my spare time I took some part-time jobs.
After: Throughout my study I have taken part-time jobs, working as an intern in a Law firm and as a research assistant for my professor. As a Law intern I was responsible for helping a senior Lawyer in his research and was able to shadow him in his work for 8 weeks. I learnt the importance of detail and the need for focus. I was also able to sit in court and see the Law in practice. As a research assistant I was part of a team of four students chosen to help the Professor in researching the background to various cases such as Intellectual Property abuses on the street of our city. This work involved going on to the streets and documenting abuses and interviewing the people involved. I was then responsible for gathering the information so that my Professor could use it easily.
You can view some samples of good Personal Statements by clicking below:
Personal Statement 1 / Personal Statement 2 / Personal Statement 3
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